The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck

I’ve challenged myself to read at least ONE book a month this year!  For anyone who knows me, they know I love to read.  Like...love.

As in, my kid sister almost drowned in the bathtub because I  was supposed to be watching her, and I was reading instead.  

Instead of grounding me, my parents would take away my books.

And while all of my siblings were outside playing, I was inside sobbing because Mike Kelly from the Orphan Train Adventures died.  I was crying so hard, my mom came in and yelled at me because I scared her.   “He was only sixteen, and he DIED!” I managed to choke out.

Did I paint the picture? I love reading. Yet - being a mom, working full time, along with everything else in this crazy life, I have not managed to read nearly as much as I have wanted to.  

So, while all these business gurus are reading five books a month apparently...and I mean, really?! Is that a real fact?! That's more than a book a week….yes, I read Gone with the Wind in three days but I was sixteen and I literally just laid on my bed reading for hours FOR THREE DAYS.  Anyways, while all these business gurus are devouring their books, I am going to make sure I read one book a month.  Not only because I enjoy it, but because I love having my mind challenged and expanding my thought processes.

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My book for January was “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck” and holy wow.  This book set me straight in so many ways.  Vulgar language aside, this book will leave you feeling like you just got slapped with some truth, and the truth doesn’t always feel good.   My brother recommended this book because I tend to overanalyze, over-think, over-feel, over-everything, and just said you really need to learn to not give a f*ck.  And while I wouldn’t say I am cured of all eff-giving, I have definitely challenged myself to start thinking - Does this thing, or that person, align with my values?  Is worrying and carrying about this certain person, or certain situation, worth my time??

As a society, we are extremely hedonistic.  We chase what feels good, we want more and more and more.  I’ve noticed that the minimalism trend is catching on, and I think it’s because we are finally realizing that more isn’t always better.  And that’s another point that Mr. Manson brings -

stop chasing pleasures in life.  Life isn’t always going to feel good.  You’re not always going to live on a high.  The biggest growths, success, achievements often come out of those “rock-bottom” times. Pain is part of the process... 

seeking constant highs to cover up the pain is not only entitlement, but it’s also just delusional!  And while, you're stopping the pleasure chase, stop thinking you're so special.  Most of us are average human beings, with average lives, and when we stop needing to feel extraordinary and exceptional, we begin to reframe our mind and begin to be happy with the unexceptional.  

Another point that I thought was extremely valid and appropriate - we often see other people around us being extremely successful, and it tends to put us off.  We don’t make any moves forward, because we are waiting for “one day” when inspiration hits.  We keep waiting and waiting and waiting on inspiration and motivation, but what if that isn’t how it works?  What if we need to start taking a step forward, moving towards a dream, actually making things come into existence, and THEN the inspiration and motivation follow?  I’ve seen this happen so often with family and friends - analysis paralysis.  Overthinking things, and asking “what if”, when really, they just need to take that step forward, and make something happen, and allow the inspiration and motivation to come after.

The whole point of this book isn’t that we shouldn’t give any effs, at all.  It’s that we need to give eff’s about what matters.  We need to understand our own values, and really, that’s sometimes a very hard conversation to have with ourselves.  It requires asking “why” to your answers and questions, over and over, so many times until you FINALLY get down to the truth.  It’s about giving effs about what you value, and saying no to what you don’t want in your life.  It even address boundaries in relationships, which is huge, because we as a society love to throw blame.  It’s time to take responsibility for our own emotions and our problems.

Highly reccommend if you're ready for a mindset shift on what really matters in your life, your family, and your business!

And while it’s easy to get hung up on our cards, and feel we got screwed over, the real game lies in the choices we make with those cards, the risks we decide to take, and the consequences we choose to live with.
— Mark Manson